"Red Dick" lyrics - CHEECH & CHONG

Now ladies and gentlemen, please welcome "Red Dick"!
[Red Dick:] Thank y'all, ha ha, Thanks for the clap, uh huh, ok. They pronounce my name wrong it's Red Nick, not Red Dick. ha ha, the guys must have been peeking in the dressing room. But anyways, Uh, this is the first time I've been up here on stage man. Golly, you couldn't even a jackhammer in my ass a swear to god!
[Audience laughs and cheers]
Thank y'all, ha ha, do you know why cowboys have h-have like, uh, shit in their mustaches? ha ha, it's like, "Lookin' for love in the wrong places, lookin' for lo-", ha ha ha. Ok thank you. Um, right now I'd like to introduce you to a really old blues singer man, he's so old he farts dust man, ha. So uh, let's give him a warm how-de-do to "Blind Melon Chitlins".
[Blind melon chitlins is about to fall off stage]
[Red Dick:] Oh, this guys hot. Blind melon chitlins. Uh, he can't see y'all out there, but he ain't deaf, so let's give him another clap huh? yeah.
[Blind melon chitlins is actin' like he's playin' harmonica but spits everywhere]
[Blind Melon Chitlins: (mumbles) (snorts in cocaine)] Ok! ladies and gentle-man, uh, I'm 156 years old, and I can still stand up. I just can't get it in. ha ha, that cracks me up. But uh, right now, uh sing a song now called uh, "Goin' downtown, gonna see my girl" yeah. "Goin' downtown gonna see my girl. I put one over my shoud-der. Put two legs over my shoud-der".
[Chitlins falls off the stage]
[Red Dick:] Blind melon chitlins everone. yeah! thank you.