"All I Want For Christmas Is You" lyrics - PERIPHERY
[Drummer:] "Yo what's up man I heard you got a new guitar?"
[Singer:] "Oh yeah that's so right, it's so awesome."
[Drummer:] "Oh yeah, tell me about that shit."
[Singer:] "Oh yeah, it's got like all these strings and everything. Well you know what? As a matter of fact, I'ma play you a song. It's about last Christmas and it all began with the Christmas tree selection."
SEE MAN I GOT THESE ALLERGIES RIGHT NOW, I WAS TRYING TO TELL MY GIRLFRIEND 'WHY DON'T WE GET AN ARTIFICIAL TREE THIS CHRISTMAS 'cause THEY'RE ULTRA COOL AND THEY WON'T MAKE A SMELL LIKE AN ELF FOREST THAT WILL DRIVE ME FUCKING INSANE, AND THEY'RE EASY TO ASSEMBLE' AND THEY LAST FOR LIKE FOREVER OR SOMETHING AND SHE WAS LIKE 'NO NO NO WE NEED TO GET A REAL CHRISTMAS TREE' BECAUSE OF THE SPIRIT OF THE SEASON AND ALL THIS BULLSHIT, YULETIDE AND BOUGHS OF HOLLY AND EVERYTHING, AND I WAS LIKE 'WELL I DON'T HAVE TIME TO GO TO TARGET OR WAL-MART IN ORDER TO MAKE AN ORDERLY PURCHASE' SO I JUST FIGURED 'FUCKING RIGHT' SO ANYWAYS WE JUST WENT AND PICKED OUT A TREE AND I WAS LIKE 'We're going to get a real Christmas tree.'
So anyways I was carrying this motherfucker to my car and it was getting sap all over my jacket and the smell was driving me fucking insane and I couldn't take it but maybe I'm thinking 'maybe I should just chill out, it is christmas after all' so I looked at my girlfriend, I said 'baby, baby, what do you want for christmas?' and she looked at me with those innocent eyes, eyes as innocent as a child porn actress or some shit, and she said the name of some fucking perfume by some French guy and she couldn't even pronounce it right, so I went over to the freaking perfume shop and I walked in and the smell, it just fucking overpowered me from my already chapped nose, it was so cold and on top of that I was smelling the fucking christmas tree all the way on the ride home, and I asked her, I was like 'do you have this perfume by this French guy? I think he's gay or some shit' and she was like 'oh yes, yes we have that right over here' I was like 'you gotta be fucking kidding me, it's like French and gay and you already know what I want' and she handed it to me and I bought it, it was like, a hundred and fucking eighty dollars or some shit, but I got it because I love my girlfriend. and then I went home and I wrapped it and I put it underneath the christmas tree and my girlfriend came to me and she was like 'baby, let's go to midnight mass' it's like 'honey, come on man, I'm sorry, I don't feel like doing that crazy shit' but it was the christmas season so I went, and we went there and I was falling asleep in church so I felt bad, so I had some coffee. who the fuck has coffee at midnight[?] I can't believe that shit. I'm going to wake up in the morning and my colon is going to fall out of my ass. well I did it baby all for you, I stayed wide awake and we went home and before I knew it, it was christmas.
So your parents came over, it's kinda fucked up because they're so cool, like your mom's super hot with the platinum blonde hair and I'm sure those tits are fake and your dad said we had to smoke a joint last thanksgiving. and then you're just such a bitch, you've got your christmas gift, you're spraying like six doses on your neck and it made me fucking sick and then before we could do anything else, like just, the doorbell rang and I opened up the door and there was like this little autistic kid, it's like 'what do you want[?]!' and he said:
"Hello, I'm going to sing you a song"
Dashing through the snow
On a one horse open sleigh
Over the fields we go
Laughing all the way h0h0h0
Bells on bob tails ring
Making spirits bright
Please sir, my mom's on crack and she'll beat my ass if I don't make money tonight!
Man you've got tourette's or something, that's why I closed the door, get a fucking clue, stop singing, stop singing. oh yeah yeah, walk away, walk away, sing to yourself, walk away, okay that's good, thank you, thank you.
[Ahem]
So anyways I walked back in to the house and my girlfriend came up to me and gave me a hug and I'm sick of her fucking perfume and her fucking tree and the fucking cat just made my nose bleed, so I stepped back real quick, but that's a good thing because I puked all over the floor, and she's like 'oh my god I can't believe you puked all over the floor in front of my parents, you are so gross!' and I was like 'look bitch, shut the fuck uuuuuuup!' and all of a sudden like your mom just started freaking out, like someone called her a bitch one too many times in the past, I mean like really cried her eyes out! and it's so fucked up 'cause like, I thought they had it together but then your dad came up and tried to put his arm around her and she's like 'get away from me you baby killer!' now it's just a whole bunch of problems that I didn't want to get in to so I focused back on my girlfriend and I was like 'man look! you haven't even asked me what I wanted for christmas! but it's ok, I mean there's like a gift underneath the tree, but I probably don't want it, how could you know what I want? you never even asked me what I wanted, but that's ok baby, 'cause I know what I want for christmas. I want you the fuck out of my liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiife!
[Drummer:] "Yeah man, that's some crazy shit, but anyway, check out what I got for Christmas. A new set of drums, man. This is going to be the shit."
[Solo and screaming]
[Weird high pitched talking]