"It's An Art (The Waitress)" lyrics - STEPHEN SCHWARTZ

There's some as don't care
When they put down a plate
There's a sound
Not with me
When they move a chair
It'll scrape with a grate
On the ground
Not with me
I will have my hand right
When I place a glass
Notice how I stand right
As customers pass
Serve a demitass
With a gesture so gentile
Or do it again 'til
It's near oriental

Da da da da dum dum

It's an art
It's an art
To be a fine waitress
To see that you pleasure each guest
There's a twist
To my wrist
If I let a fork drop
Or cut up a porkchop
Or serve a New York chop
It all needs be stylish and smart
That's what makes it an art

I remember one day
As I do now and then I had shakes
And down I went
There with my tray
Full of seven prime tenderloin steaks
And down I went
But I kept my poise
Not one guest heard me fall
Never made a noise
Not one noise food and all
If you have to crawl
You give 'em what they like
You carry your tray like
It's almost ballet-like

La la la la la la la la la la la la la la

It's an art
It's an art
To be a fine waitress
Each evening I treasure the test
Though my chef
May be deaf
I stay diplomatic
If I give him static
He might burn the haddock
Or put too much salt in a tart
Even that is an art

Tips? HA!
Tips are important
For people like captains and barmen
For them it's a tips, see?
For me, I'm a gypsy
Just toss me a coin
And I suddenly feel like I'm Carmen

So on through the ulcer
The backache
The hot, sweaty feet
On you go
Through, "Is your knife dull, sir?"
And, "Madam wants WHAT whith her meat?"
On you go
Two AM approches
The curtains decsend
There among the roaches
My act's at an end
Every night I tend
To find myself crying
There's no work so trying
Or so satisfying

I tell everybody that I'm a waitress and I'm proud.
Somebody comes up to me and says, "Hey you're terrific.
How come you're just a waitress?" Ya know what I say to them?
I say, "Why? Don't you think you deserve to be dserved by me?"

It's an art
GUESTS
Miss!
WAITRESS
It's an art
GUESTS
Miss!
WAITRESS
To be a great waitress
GUESTS
Please take care of this
WAITRESS
To do without leisure or rest
GUESTS
Could we have our check please?
WAITRESS
So I zoom
GUESTS
Miss!
WAITRESS
Through the room
GUESTS
Miss!
WAITRESS
With a flair no one else has
GUESTS
Bring some more of these
Waitress
An air no one else has
I swear no one else has
My lilt
GUESTS
Miss!
WAITRESS
When I say
GUESTS
Miss!
WAITRESS
"A la carte"
GUESTS
And another order to go
WAITRESS
You can see it gives me a glow
GUESTS
My plate, miss!
My cup, miss!
WAITRESS
Ev'rytime I prove I'm a pro
GUESTS
I'm late, miss!
Hurry up, miss!
WAITRESS
Maybe I'm not quite
GUESTS
Miss!
WAITRESS
Michealangelo
GUESTS
And a bag for my dog
WAITRESS
But I'm not just a waitress
GUESTS
You were great
WAITRESS
I'm a one
GUESTS
But I'm late
WAITRESS
Woman
GUESTS
My check please
My change please
WAITRESS
Show
GUESTS
C'mon please
Lady, let's go