"Tonya" lyrics - BROCKHAMPTON

Mother, I am sorry, I never pick up
Because I'm afraid to disappoint
Ooh, ooh I, I'm not

And I've been feelin' like I don't matter how I used to
And I've been feelin' like I don't matter how I used to

Oh, we're sat outside on the hardwood floor with our feet in dirt
And our hearts in awe
I be losin' sleep thinkin' 'bout missed calls
And I see the names circle in our thoughts
And I think about if we lose it all
And I turn to shit that you never want
Like the smoke, the drink, anything at all
And I'll say again, sorry I don't call
There's no money on my mind
But my money on my mind was the first to fall
Never wanted to... yeah

And I've been feelin' like I don't matter how I used to
And I've been feelin' like I don't matter how I used to

Sometimes it be so spot on it hurts
Like when Auntie couldn't decide between going to work or church
I've been in my feelings on an island in the dirt
I feel like brothers lie just so my feelings don't get hurt
I said, I'll try vacationin'
I'll try to run away
I deleted Facebook, I'd trade fame anyday
For a quiet Texas place and a barbecue plate
I'd switch my place if that's good for you
Is that good for you?
My ghost still haunt you
My life is "I, Tonya"
Big eyed monster, only face to conquer
I hated songs about fame 'cause this stuff meant nothin'
Until them headlines came, the first flight I'm jumpin'

And maybe it means nothing
But I have to say I think about you often
And if you want a war with me
I'll walk away, I know that I have wronged you
And maybe it means nothing
But I have to say I think about you often
And if you want a war with me
I'll walk away, I know that I have wronged you

I took a plane to somewhere that I've never been
Too many times without my sister and my brother
Dad or mother by my side but they're in spirit
I always hear it, I know they feel it
My mom will always have these dreams that keep her up at night
I smoke to keep them all away
And make use of the time I'm void of feelin'
The reasons I'm so out of touch, now stop revealin'
But I'm not ashamed, I'm not afraid of who I am
Or how I trust my mental, yeah it's not perfect
But I guess that's just the life I'm into
I fantasize about a time when everything was simple
My shelter sheltered me from things I needed to commit to
The way it stands to me
A victim of Stockholm and my friendships and family

What's costin' your time, what's the reason that you whine?
What's in your wallet? Dead whites in mine
So sour, in this light of lime
Daddy said "study harder, get that cash"
Mommy said "your career ain't gon' last"
Loose change, call a cab, move out their pad
I just want a chance to move past my past
Don't think too fast, private jets still crash
And I still fly coach
And I still hit the roads
And I still see roaches at the crib where my folks at
Touch your drinks 'fore you touch me and provoke a man
(Somebody gonna have to tell the truth and I'm gonna tell it!)

And I've been feelin' like I don't matter how I used to (how I used to)
(I don't matter!)
And I've been feelin' like I don't matter how I used to (how I used to, how)
(I don't matter!)

How I, how I, how I, how I
How I used to, how I used to
How I used to