"Adelaide's Lament" lyrics - FRANK LOESSER

It says here:
The average unmarried female
Basically insecure
Due to some long frustration may react
With psychosomatic symptoms
Difficult to endure
Affecting the upper respiratory tract.

In other words, just from waiting around for that plain little band of gold
A person can develop a cold.

You can spray her wherever you figure there's streptococci lurk
You can give her a shot for whatever's she's got, but it just won't work
If she's tired of getting the fish eye from the hotel clerk
A person can develop a cold.

It says here:
The female remaining single
Just in the legal sense
Shows a neurotic tendency, see note: (looks at note)
Chronic organic symptoms
Toxic or hyper tense
Involving the eye, the ear, the nose, and throat.

In other words, just from worrying if the wedding is on or off
A person can develop a cough.

You can feed her all day with the vitamin A and the bromofizz
But the medicine never gets anywhere near where the trouble is.
If she's getting a kind of name for herself, and the name ain't his
A person can develop a cough.

And further more, just from stalling, and stalling,
And stalling the wedding trip
A person can develop la grippe.

When they get on that train to Niagara
And she can hear church bells chime
The compartment is air conditioned
And the mood sublime
Then they get off at Saratoga for the fourteenth time!
A person can develop la grippe,
La grippe.
La post nasal drip.
With the wheezes
And the sneezes
And a sinus that's really a pip!

From a lack of community property
And a feeling she's getting to old
A person can develop a bad, bad cold!
[Adelaide sneezes]