"99 Problems" lyrics - ICE-T

[Ice-T:]
Yeah, last year a lot of motherfuckers asked me
Why I didn't do no sex nasty shit
But this year I went to Miami and got my nigga from 2 Live
Brother Marquis in the house

[Brother Marquis:] Yeah I'm the motherfuckin' nigga
[Ice-T:]
Yeah, we gonna answer the question about girl problems
All these niggas is havin' girl problems, Marq
[Brother Marquis:] Huh, tell'em man, tell'em
[Ice-T:] Lemme tell you what time it is...

[Ice-T:]
I got a ho from the east
Got a ho from the west
Got a ho that likes to jack it off
And rub it in her chest
I got a ho from the north
A ho from the south
A ho that likes to suck at long and hold it in her mouth
I got a bitch with hair
A bitch with none
A bitch with a knife
A bitch with a gun
A bitch with an ass big as a TV set
And there's a bitch over there
Hey, the one I'm gonna get
But yo, yo maybe not, she might not like me though
No sweat to vet, I'll slam her sister though
Word, I'll slam the whole damn herd
I fuck 'em all and leave em on the curb
I got a bitch with a mink
Who rocks a fat gold link
Who likes to fuck me with her ass up on the kitchen sink
Got a bitch with tits
A bitch with ass
A bitch with none
But hey, I give her a pass

And I love em all, I love 'em crazily
And they love me back, that's why they stay with me
So if you're havin' girl problems
I feel bad for ya, son
Got 99 problems and a bitch ain't one
Hit it

No a bitch ain't one

[Ice-T:]
I got a bitch that's old
A bitch who is new
A bitch who likes velvet in the colors blue
I got a bitch who's fat
A bitch who's built
A bitch that all her titties give out powdered milk
I got a bitch who is funny
A bitch who ain't
A bitch who can sing
A bitch who can't
A bitch who loves fuckin' on an airplane
I even got a bitch off soul train
I got a bitch who rolls a rag top Benz
Long ends
I got a bitch who's broke as a bum
But she's the most fun
I got a bitch who play piano
A bitch who don't
A bitch who dances naked
A bitch who won't
A bitch who's short
A bitch who's tall
A bitch who burns my pager with priority calls

And I love em all, I love 'em crazily
And they love me back, that's why they stay with me
So if you're havin' girl problems
I feel bad for ya, son
Got 99 problems and a bitch ain't one
Hit me

[Ice-T:]
Yo Marquis, you from Miami man,
Why don't you show these motherfuckers all the over the world
The 2 Live style of how the bitches treat
A motherfuckin' fly nigga like you

[Brother Marquis:]
I got 99 problems a bitch ain't one of them
I don't trip on hos
'Cause I don't need none of 'em
Pussy's the temptation, dick's the persuasion
All hos suck cock, nigga how you play 'em?
That's why I don't sleep on 'em
I just freak on 'em
Put my dick in their mouth
Take it out and I ski on 'em
The nigga, the one-nighter
The bitch exciter
I only love my hos when I'm goin' up inside 'em
Problem number one is gettin' money
I'd rather taste the green than sip the honey
So don't expect nothing
'Cause I ain't offering
I go hard on my bitches 'cause I'm never never softening
Putting demands on em
Fuck 'em then scram on 'em
The wham bam thank you ma'am game just ran on 'em
So fuck how you feel
You fuckin' cheap thrill
I hope you took the pill 'cause I won't pay the bill
Getting pussy is just another expense
If pussy pays the bills
Then dick pays the rent
I only need a ho for one thing and that's to cum
I've got 99 problems and a bitch ain't one

[Ice-T:]
Ha!
Yo Marquis my motherfucker, you got problems man?
A bitch ain't one
Aw shit, let me tell you how to do this shit

[Ice-T & (Marquis):]
(I got a bitch that loves to gink)
She'll fuck you right after she fucks me
(I got a bitch who loves boats)
I got a bitch who loves handcuffs and ropes
I got a bitch that's fast
A bitch that's slow
(A bitch that's a virgin
And a bitch that's a hoe)
A bitch that lies
(A bitch that's true)
A bitch who's a man
Because they're bitches too
I got a bitch that's cool
(A bitch that's hot)
A bitch who loves rap
A bitch who loves rock
A bitch who's lost
And one who knows where it's at
She gets up under me
And purrs like a cat

[Brother Marquis:]
I got a bitch that runs
I got a bitch that walks
I got a bitch that yells
I got a bitch who talks

[Ice-T:]
I got a bitch that's dirty
Got a bitch that's neat
I got a super fly bitch that I knocked in a swap-meet

And I love 'em all, I love 'em crazily
And they love me back that's why they stay with me
So if you havin' girl problems
I feel bad for ya, son
Got 99 problems and a bitch ain't one
Hit me

[Ice-T:]
No a bitch ain't one
[Marquis]
Huh, you know a bitch ain't one

[Outro:]

[Ice-T:]
You know what I'm sayin'
I got problems my motherfuckin' rent Marquis
But a bitch ain't one

[Brother Marquis:]
Maybe got yourself nothing man
Fucking raggedy skank-ass hos, nigga

[Ice-T:]
A bitch ain't one
I got a problems stayin' out here on the streets
With these police tryin' to take a nigga out, y'know?
But a bitch ain't one
Got problems with motherfuckers
Buying my records
But a bitch ain't one
[Brother Marquis:]
Fuck 'em all
Fuck them motherfuckers
[Ice-T:]
Y'know what I'm saying
A bitch ain't one
Got problems man
[Brother Marquis:]
All of motherfuckers can kiss my motherfuckin' ass, for real
[Ice-T:]
Niggas worryin' about bitches, they better find something else to worry about