"I've Parted" lyrics - IVOR BIGGUN

My mother had the vicar and the vicar's wife to tea
They cleared the room, they blamed it on the dog
But it was me...

[Chorus:]
I've f*rted, I've f*rted
I've made a trouser cough
I've whistled in me Y-fronts
I've just peeled one off
I've blown my bowel bugle
I've been eating peas
I've broken wind
I've dropped my guts
Open the window please

I've been eating cabbages, prunes and pears and beans
Drinking Dandelion & Burdock and you know what that means
Polluting the environment, my friends leave me alone
The front of me sings tenor and the rest sings baritone

[Chorus]

Bubbles in the bath!
Real rip snorters!
Up on one cheek and hope it don't make a noise
Window rattlers!
Cushion creepers!
Don't shake your leg and keep it in your courdroys

A gentleman tells before it smells, he waves his jacket 'til it's gone
But I'm the kind of sneaky bugger who lets off and doesn't let on
I let them go in lifts, in queues, in phone-boxes and trains
And when they stink the people blink and blame it on the drains

[Chorus]

"I say, have you f*rted?"
"Of course I have - d'you think I always smell like this?"

Written by Ivor Biggun
Published by Universal Music Publishing Ltd./ Momentum 3
Lyrics reprinted by permission of the publishers
Available on the CD album The Fruity Bits of Ivor Biggun
Originally released on the album The Winker's Album