"Ira's Brief Life As A Spider" lyrics - OF MONTREAL

All the baby spiders in the nursery
Waving to each other clinging to their mothers
And smile at their dads
Smile at their dads who say
Now that's a clever lad

One particular spider, who's parents had named Ira
Fell out of his mother's arms and became lost inside the giant insect hospital
Since mother spiders give birth to so many babies at one time
It is exceedingly difficult to keep track of all of them
And sometimes a baby will get lost without it's mother ever being aware of its absence
Ira was just such a case
He crawled about for hours crying but his mother couldn't hear him for Ira was a mute
This is where the story gets interesting

He opened his mouth and discovered a lake in a crater on his tongue
He was thirsty so he drank from the lake
This proved to be a fatal mistake
As the lake was really a cake filled with poisonous snakes, and Ira died

A nurse discovered dead baby Ira and sank with grief
She gently lifted him up to her breast and carried him weeping to the head nurse
To see if any baby spiders had been reported missing
The head nurse checked her missing baby spider file
And told her that No, no missing baby spiders have been reported
The nurse holding dead baby Ira then asked if they could have a funeral for him
The head nurse, being a very caring grasshopper
Agreed that that would be the proper thing to do
So they dug a small hole near a yellow tulip, held a brief but moving requiem
And with great sadness buried baby Ira

Miraculously, Ira was quickly reincarnated as a wild horse on the far off planet called Nearly
On Nearly, wild horses hold the majority in the senate and Ira has discovered pudding
His favorite is the kind without raisins

All the baby spiders in the nursery
Waving to each other clinging to their mothers
And smile at their dads
Smile at their dads who say
Now that's a clever lad