"A Few Words In Defense Of Our Country" lyrics - RANDY NEWMAN

I'd like to say a few words
In defense of our country
Whose people aren't bad
Nor are they mean
Now the leaders we have
While they're the worst that we've had
Are hardly the worst
This poor world has seen

Take the Caesars for example
Within the first few of them
They were sleeping with their sister,
Stashing little boys in swimming pools
And burning down the city
And one of 'em, one of 'em
Appointed his own horse to be Consul of the Empire
That's like vice president or something
Wait a minute, that's not a very good example is it?
But wait, here's one,
The Spanish Inquisition
It put people in a terrible position
I don't even like to think about it
Well sometimes I like to think about it

Just a few words in defense of our country
Whose time at the top
Could be coming to an end
We don't want your love
And respect at this point is pretty much out of the question
But times like these
We sure could use a friend

Hitler
Stalin
Men who need no introduction
King Leopold of Belgium, that's right
Everyone thinks he's so great
Well he owned The Congo and he tore it up too
He took the diamonds
He took the silver
He took the gold
You know what he left them with?
Malaria
A President once said,
"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself"
Now, we're supposed to be afraid
It's patriotic in fact and color-coded
And what are we supposed to be afraid of?
Why of being afraid
That's what terror means, doesn't it?
That's what it used to mean

You know it kind of pisses me off
That this Supreme Court is going to outlive me
A couple of young Italian fellas and a brother on the Court now, too
But I defy you, anywhere in the world,
To find me two Italians as tightassed as the two Italians we got
And as for the brother, well
Pluto's not a planet anymore either

The end of an Empire is messy at best
And this Empire is ending
Like all the rest
Like the Spanish Armada adrift on the sea
We're adrift in the land of the brave and the home of the free

Goodbye
Goodbye
Goodbye