I got six pairs of Nikes by the front door
I got six more by the TV so it's war
The only time I pick 'em up's to put 'em on my feet
And that's the reason why my girl
Is trying to kill me in my sleep
Every time I go to change the trash bag in the barrell
It gets stuck because it's overflowing with dirty apparel
I don't do laundry, I just buy new socks and undies
I don't give a fuck, I been this way since I was rocking Gumbies
I love this girl to death but I'm startin to wonder,
"Does she love me back? Or does she really want me six feet under? "
'Cause she claims I don't do anything around the house
But play a game of cat and mouse with Foxy and Neo
Yo they tearin' up the couch
I said I love em, she said if you really loved em
You would change their kitty litter, not just feed them crap and bug em
Please, back on up 'cause you're in the way
I'm trying to watch the game, girl. Is that okay?
"My friends all say... "
Your friends all say nothin'. I'm tryin' to hear today.
You don't wanna kill me, you wanna mould me and build me
Until I'm the perfect person for you but I think that's silly (It's true)
You don't wanna beat me, you wanna school me and teach me
Until I'm the perfect person for you but you cannot reach me (Nope)
Now this situation, livin' with a mental patient
Posin as my girlfriend got me lookin' for some ventilation
And I kick my feet up when I'm home, I turn the heat up, leave the seat up
That leads up to me gettin' hands beat up, she's G'ed up
I know she's thinkin' I ain't worth a buck in change
If I'm not sellin records on the wall and no she fuckin' frames
I can't explain the pain I go through
Karma's like that so I told you
You can go to family functions for brownie points and get nothin'
But mashed potatoes and stuffing, have fun, uncomfortable hugging
That goes hand in hand when man meets woman's fam
You understand? I do. I used to view her as this undomestic goddess
Now the Food Network and Rachel Ray have taken her away
I know you're thinkin', "Dude, don't complain."
I'm not complainin, I'm explainin how she's drainin every brain muscle inside my cranium
And yo maybe I'm nuts. I never said she's feminazi
But she's trying to turn her boyfriend into Emeril Lagasse
And I can't do that, I'm a plan to pack
How I look comin' home with a can of that?
How'd I look comin' home with a Santa hat?
You know I buy you things, you can handle that (Right?)