"My Whole Family..." lyrics - BO BURNHAM

Every time I go to dinner, seems like I'm getting a little bit thinner
I'll sit down at the breakfast table, I can talk, well they're not able
When I look at them I find, there's a single question on their mind
I wish it could go back to the way it was
It's not easy now because

My whole family thinks I'm gay
I guess it's always been that way
Maybe it's 'cause of the way that I walk
Makes them think I like... boys
That I like boys

The goddamn question just won't go away
And I get asked every single day
But the way they ask it is not a disguise
Like, "How was your day, do you like to kiss guys?"
This was the worst, baby this was my fear
Now their opinions are crystal clear

Because, my whole family now is shocked
I'm in the closet and the door is locked
Now my glory days are gone
I was John Elway, now I'm Elton John
My whole family now suspects
Watching SpongeBob had side effects
I'm not gay and that's what I said
If I'm gay, hey God strike me dead, ya know?
(Coughing and choking fit)
That's rude
Just 'cause I'm on the cheerleading team
Or my birthday party had a Broadway theme
When I go outside what do I see
That the clouds in the sky spell F-A-G

Because, I think that God might think I'm gay
What does he know anyway?
My Grandma gave me a present just last year
And the card said "Happy Birthday Queer"
My whole family thinks I'm fab
"There's a guy's butt. Hey Bo, take a stab."
Come on?
"Why doesn't he get women? There's no other way?"
It's 'cause I'm lanky not 'cause I'm gay, alright?
Not 'cause I'm gay

Just 'cause I'm afraid of the snow
Or my favorite color is the rainbow
(Heh... it was a joke)
I don't mean to yell but I fear I must
Because I'm losing the people that I thought I could trust

Because even my boyfriend thinks I'm gay
Just kidding heh...heh
You all probably think I'm gay
Man this song is counterproductive
Lalalalalala
Because my whole family thinks I'm gay
What do they know anyway?
You gotta look right through the haze
Easy bake oven was just a phase
My whole family thinks I'm queer
That is all I ever hear
But I've been as straight as a ramp
If you don't count Bible camp
Bible camp
I'm not gay I swear