"Black Presidents" lyrics - DAVE CHAPPELLE

Shit, I'm in the wrong business. I should be the president.
See the only reason why I don't want to be the president is because I'm black, that'd make it too hot for me. I mean you know- I mean, there could be a black president one day, but...
You don't wanna be the first one. I mean the second or third is fine, but...
That first nigga better watch out. I'mma tell you that right now.
Too hot.
I mean I'd be the first black president
I don't think that nobody would really, really hurt me
I'm sure somebody'd want to hurt me
But I don't think they'd touch me. 'cause uh...
'Cause my vice president will be Mexican for a little insurance.
You know what I'm saying?
I mean, you could shoot me if you want.
But you're just gonna open the border up
You might as well leave me and Vice President Santiago to our own devices. "Ain't that right, Santiago?" "Si! Siii!"
"Elian can stay..." Don't worry, don't worry.
I ain't got no Elian jokes. All I'll say about Elian is thank God he's Cuban
'Cause if he was Haitian, you would've never heard about his ass. Mm-mmm. If Elian Gonzalez was Elian Lemumbo from Haiti, they'd have pushed that rubber tube right back and say:
"Sorry, fella. All full. Good luck."