"Dance Contest" lyrics - FRANK ZAPPA

"Dance Contest"

FZ: "One of the things that I like best about playing in New York is this
particular place, because it has-it has a stage that is conducive to, how
you say in the trade, audience participation. Now if there's one thing
that I really like, it's, uh, audience participation. Now listen... I gotta
figure out something that I can, uh-do you think we should have another
dance contest tonight? Oh, bey-the injured person dance contest. Well,
let's see ... Awright, I'll tell you what we're going to do. Here's a, here's
a guy who really wants to be in the dance contest aw-reety, aw-righty,
hey. Okay.. "
BUTCH: "You are great, man-you are great. You are the best, baby.
Do 'Dinah-Moe Humm'
FZ: "All right, now wait a minute-what's your name? Hey, hey-what's
your name?"
BUTCH: "Butch."
FZ: "Awright, the dynamic Butch. Here's a girl who wants to dance with
Butch. What's your name?"
LENA: "Lena."
FZ: "What?"
LENA: "Lena."
FZ: "Lena, meet Butch. Okay, Lena and Butch, couple number one. Hell,
heh. Okay, let's see-that guy there, with his... that-that one there with the
teeshirt on-no, no, the other one-this one-no, no-no no no, wait a minute,
wait.. . well, you're-actually, you're very nice, though. Would you like to
come up here?... Okay, but d'you think you can behave yourself?... Okay,
what's your name?"
GUY: "Tom, man.(mumble, mumble} you, baby, I (mumble, mumble) (gurgle)
you (mumble, mmf, etc.) "
GUY: "Arrgh, mmmf, glurg, etc."
FZ: "Awright, now wait a minute. Awright, awright, now wait..."
GUY: "(mumble, mmf.) Ugliness! Ugliness!"
OTHER GUY: "Frank, you're my buddy! Amh. mmf'.'
FZ: "Awright, now wait a minute, wait a minute. I have an important message
to deliver to all the cute people all over the world. If you're out there and you're
not cute, maybe you're beautiful, I just want to tell you somethin'-there's more
of us ugly mother-fuckers than you are, hey-y, so watch out. Now..."
GUY: (BUTCH?): "Will you bring my girlfriend on stage, maybe?"
FZ: "Sure. All right, now you-he wants to get his girlfriend-go get your girlfriend."
GIRL: "Hey Zap!"
FZ: "Good to see you again."
GIRL: "Squeak!"
FZ: "I know."
GUY: "I ain't no fucking queer."
FZ: "All right, now look, here's what we're going to do. Awright. Now. This-it'll
be mashed, I'll save them, I'll save them for later."
GUY: "I'm not a fucking queer."
FZ: "This man is trying desperately to let everybody know that he is not a queer.
He's not queer, he's not queer. Awright, and now. .. You are going to dance, like
you've never danced before ..."