"Xmas Values" lyrics - FRANK ZAPPA

[Spider:] I think I can explain about about how the pigs' music works
[Monica:] Well, this should be interesting
[Spider:] Remember that they make music with a very dense light
[John:] Yeah
[Monica:] O.K.
[Spider:] And remember about the smoke standing still and how they they really get uptight when you try to move the smoke, right?
[Monica:] Right
[John:] Yeah?
[Spider:] I think the music in that dense light is probably what makes the smoke stand still. As soon as the pony's mane starts to get good in the back any sort of motion, especially of smoke or gas, begins to make the ends split
[Monica:] Well don't the splitting ends change the density of the ponies' music so it affects the density of the pigs' music, which makes the smoke move which upsets the pigs?
[Spider:] No, it isn't like that
[John:] Well, how does it work?
[Spider:] Well, what it does is when it strikes any sort of energy field or solid object or even something as ephemeral as smoke, the first thing it does is begins to inactivate the molecular motion so that it slows down and finally stops. That's why the smoke stops. And also have you ever noticed how the the smoke clouds shrink up? That's because the molecules come closer together. The cold light makes it get so small, this is really brittle smoke
[John:] And that's why the pigs don't want you to touch it
[Spider:] See, when the smoke gets that brittle what happens when you try to move it is it disintegrates
[John:] And the pigs get uptight 'cause you know they, they worship that smoke. They salute it every day
[Monica:] You know we've got something here
[John:] And, and, and, and that's the basis of all their nationalism. Like if they can't salute the smoke every morning when they get up...
[Spider:] Yeah, it's a vicious circle. You got it