"Cosby" lyrics - DAVE CHAPPELLE

The '70s were a wild era. And while all this was going on... Bill Cosby raped 54 people. Holy shit. That's a lot of rapes, man. This guy's putting up real numbers. He's like the Steph Curry of rape. Man, that's a lot of rapes. Fifty-four? If he had raped less people... that's still two dozen rapes! Don't forget, each one of these rapes has eight hours of sleep in it. Ladies and gentlemen, that's over hours of rape. It only takes hours to get a pilot's license. If rapes were aircrafts, this nigga is Top Gun for sure.
Yeah, that's a tough one. And I was onstage not too long ago. I was in Syracuse, New York. Yeah. Well, yeah, for Syracuse. But the show didn't go so good... all because I was talking about Bill Cosby a little bit.
Not a little bit. I'll be honest. I talked about him for like, minutes. And a woman stood up in the back of the room, and she screamed out, "You are a fucking asshole for saying these things!" "I know." Instantly, I felt bad. Not bad about what I was saying. I just felt bad like, "Oh, that's too bad she doesn't like the show." I didn't realize it at first, but not only did she say that, she was rushing the stage. By the time I saw her, I just saw this shadowy figure fucking charging up the aisle towards me in full fight mode. I was horrified. I said, "Oh, my God! I'm gonna kick this bitch in the face."
Lucky for me, I didn't have to. Security tackled her. But it was a really fucking horrifying scene. A scuffle ensued. And then, finally, she screamed out to me, "Women suffer!" I said, "I know." And, ladies, I need you to know... that I know. I need you to know. Seriously, there's a lot of men in this room that identify themselves as feminists. I would include myself in that. Don't ever forget, we all have mothers and daughters and sisters and wives, and we want to see all these women do well and not be held back by their gender. There's a lot of men like that in this room. There's a lot of men like that in the world. Or as we are known on the streets, bitch-ass niggas. But as this woman was wrestling and screaming at me, I started to take offense. And I'll be honest, race was involved. She was a young white woman. Well-intentioned, but just not thinking it all the way through. "Bitch, how the fuck are you going to yell at a black man about discrimination?" She didn't get it. She just kept going. "Women suffer!" "I know." "Women suffer!" "Same team." "Women suffer!" "I know." And this is when she went too far: "We suffer just like you." "Slow your roll, bitch. You suffer, yes, but not like me. Not like us." She goes, "Suffering is suffering. What's the difference?" I said, "Come on, white woman, you know what it is. You was in on the heist. You just don't like your cut." You suffer, I suffer. You suffer, I suffer. That's how it works.
Can't do comparative suffering. If you're hungry, and your friend says, "You know, people are starving in Africa," "So what, nigga? I still want lunch." Black people know about comparative suffering, and you know that it's a fucking dead-end game. Blacks and Jews do that shit to each other all the time. You ever played Who Suffered More with a Jewish person? It's a tough game. Whenever you think you've got the Jewish guy on the ropes, that motherfucker will be like, "Well, don't forget about Egypt."
"Egypt?! God damn, nigga, I didn't know we was going all the way back to Egypt." What the fuck is wrong with her? What does she think? Does she think that I don't know that rape is wrong? Does she think that maybe I don't have empathy for Bill Cosby's alleged victims? And I would be remiss if I didn't remind you that technically these are all still allegations. Although, I admit it looks very bad. Perhaps if she looked at it correctly, she would have empathy for me, the man she was attacking, a 42-year-old black comedian.
Obviously, Bill Cosby was a hero to me. And she doesn't know what it feels like to think that your hero might've done something so heinous, my God, you can't imagine. It'd be as if you heard that chocolate ice cream itself... had raped 54 people. You'd say to yourself, "Oh, man, but I like chocolate ice cream. I don't want it to rape." Didn't want to believe it. At first, I didn't believe it. I said, "These people are obviously trying to destroy Dr. Cosby's rich legacy." Even 34 allegations into it, I was still like, "Man... he probably only raped ten or 11 of those people." I know, I know. But it's really tough.