"White People / Hey Bo, Guess What?" lyrics - BO BURNHAM

[Talking: Bo Burnham & (Audience)]
White guys, it's easy to be a white guy (Yeah!)
Yeah, white guy! We deserve a cheer once in a while
Very easy to be a white guy, very easy
But white guys get a lot of shit, and it's not fair, 'cause we've done a lot of things, ya know?
We invented a lot of stuff
White guys invented... everything but peanut butter, I believe. That's what I was taught in school, everything but peanut butter. Doesn't sound right, but the American educational system having a racial bias? No way, Joseph.

Guys, white... white people a little uncomfortable
We'll do a racial joke about the white people so you don't feel uncomfortable
White people, we like the same foods
Uh, favorite sandwich: peanut butter and (jelly) jelly
Macaroni and (cheese)
Our favorite chips: salt and vi- (negar)
Wow! Who said it? Get the cameras on them
Your grandkids are gonna see this, know what a bigot their grandfather or grandmother were
Every non-white person, see who said that, find them after the show
Put the lights down; their faces creep me out

Guys, I'm not perfect. Okay? I don't "use air quotes correctly."
Alright? But I am against double standards across the board
Why is it that when a woman wears revealing clothing, she's labeled a slut, yet if I were to wear her skin as a jacket, I'm a murderer
Why-If I fuck a kid, I'm a pedophile, but if a kid fucks me, I'm a pedophile again? Twice in a week? What is this?

[Bo Burnham & High-pitched, pre-recorded voice]
Hey, Bo. You wanna sing a song with us?
Okay
Great!
I don't know the words, though
That's alright. You'll figure it out
Alright, woo!
Hey, Bo, guess what...
What?
You're a faggot
[Audience Laughs]
Wasn't clever, it was just mean. Bigoted, I apologize for that. So I was interrupted the other day, while-
Hey, Bo
Motherfucker!
Wanna sing another song together?
I really don't
Too bad
Goddamnit
Hey, Bo, guess what...
I'm a faggot
Correct
It's not funny
You're a faggot, you're a faggot, you're a fucking faggot
You're a faggot, you're a fucking faggot
Can you turn the lights off, at least?
You're a faggot, you're a faggot, you're a fucking faggot
Is this funny to you people?
You're a faggot, you're a fucking faggot
Turn it off. Turn the track off
[Record needle scratching sound effect]
Why was it on a record player? You got a record player back there?
You have hooked up a record player?
You know, it's one thing to make that, but to press it onto vinyl is a whole other thing, alright? It's gonna outlive me
Just to be clear, I wrote, conceived, and executed the entirety of that bit. Do not give those dumb fucks any credit
It's all me, baby, all me

Look at you people in the Abe Lincoln seats. Bam! Too late. Too late. How dare he make that joke so late