[Kensington Palace Hotel
1st script reading of "200 Motels"
January 18, 1971]
Mark: It's a good thing we get paid to do this. I could be in L.A., getting reamed, listening to an Elton John album
Howard: Don't even talk about getting reamed. Listen, I've been without female companionship for so long, a career as a Jesuit monk was inviting, Ian is starting to look good to me
George: Must be his green velour socks!
Mark: Just calm down there, Duke. Ever since you left the jazz world to seek fame and fortune in the rock'n'roll industry . . .
Jeff: What do you mean rock'n'roll? This fucking band doesn't even play rock'n'roll, it's all that comedy crap!
Ian: If we play any rock'n'roll we might make some money. I wouldn't mind playing some rock'n'roll, uh, I like classical music too, but that doesn't mean I wouln't enjoy playing rock'n'roll. I mean, it's not very challenging, intelectually, but I wouldn't mind if we did some rock'n'roll. We could vote on it
Jeff: Vote on it, for what? To tell Zappa we wanna play some good music instead of this comedy shit . . . ?
Aynsley: I wouldn't mind playing some more rock'n'roll, it'd be more commercial, sort of heavy, four parts harmony, group vocals and a very heavy beat, that the kids could enjoy it. I think we'd definitely make more money that way
Ian: Maybe after we finish the movie we could play more rock'n'roll
Mark: Yeah! We all quit and form other groups and play more rock'n'roll
Jeff: And more blues, extended blues, blues that's still down and funky, even though you extended it. George knows what I'm talking about, don't you, George?
George: Leave me out of it, I come from the jazz world. I know all about these groups that get formed and disappear, with their extensions waving in the moonlight
Mark: You just calm down there, Duke
Jeff: Maybe we could all form a group, we can elect a leader . . . Howard . . . we can call it Howard Kaylan World.
Ian: We wouldn't have to have any leader
Jeff: We could just jam a lot
Aynsley: There was have to have a really heavy beat and be really commercial so the kids could enjoy it
Howard: I want to get laid! I'm so horny I can't stand it!
Jeff: Listen, if you think for a minute that anybody likes this comedy music we've been playing you're crazy. That's why you don't get laid, who wants to fuck a comedian! None of these girls can take you seriously
Mark: Hey, man, you should be careful talking about that kind of stuff
Jeff: Why, does he listen?
Ian: He always listens, he's always watching and listening to all the guys in the band. I've been in the band for years and I know, he always listens, believe me
Jeff: That's how he gets his material. He listens to us being natural, friendly, humorous and good-natured, then he rips us off, sneaks off in the secret room someplace and boils it in ammonia, and gets it perverted. Then he brings it back to us in rehearsal and makes us play it
Ian: I've been in the group for years and let me tell you that is exactly, that is precisely what he does: He steals all his material
Howard: And the stuff he doesn't steal, Murray Roman writes for him. Listen, without us he'd be nothing!
- "Here Comes The Gear, Lads"
- The Living Garbage Truck
- A Typical Sound Check
- "This Is Neat"
- The Motel Lobby
- Getting Stewed
- The Motel Room
- "Don't Take Me Down"
- The Dressing Room
- Learning "Penis Dimension"
- "You There, With The Hard On!"
- Zanti Serenade
- Sleeping In A Jar
- "Don't Eat There"
- Brixton Still Life
- Super Grease
- Wonderful Wino
- Cruising For Burgers
- Diptheria Blues
- Say Please
- Scum Bag
- A Small Eternity With Yoko Ono
- Beer Shampoo
- Champagne Lecture
- Childish Perversions
- Playground Psychotics
- The Mud Shark Interview
- "There's No Lust In Jazz"
- Botulism On The Hoof
- You Got Your Armies
- The Spew King
- I'm Doomed
- Status Back Baby
- The London Cab Tape
- Concentration Moon, Part One
- The Sanzini Brothers
- "It's A Good Thing We Get Paid To Do This"
- Concentration Moon, Part Two
- Mom & Dad
- Intro To Music For Low Budget Orchestra
- Billy The Mountain
- He's Watching Us
- If You're Not A Professional Actor
- He's Right
- Going For The Money
- Jeff Quits
- A Bunch Of Adventures
- Martin Lickert's Story
- A Great Guy
- Bad Acting
- The Worst Reviews
- A Version Of Himself
- I Could Be A Star Now