"Smoking Indoors" lyrics - DAVE CHAPPELLE

Society is changing rapidly.
You can't smoke indoors. What *the fuck* is that all about? I got kicked out of a titty bar for smoking. No, that shit was ridiculous. The *stripper* did it! The stripper came up like, -
"Your smoking is a health risk for me. I don't want to work in this kind of environment."
"BITCH, you had your gonorrhea-infested pussy in my FACE. *YOU* STARTED it!"
- And they threw me out! It's the dirtiest place I've ever been thrown out of....And just to give you an idea of what I mean by "dirty," lap dances at this place? THREE dollars.
It's fucking disgusting.
And at the same time... *who* could pass up a SALE, son? It was $3 DOLLARS!! Of COURSE, I did it. It's only 12 quarters. Said, -
"I'll break a five for that."
- I've never seen somebody work this hard for $3 dollars. This lady must've been a throwback to the Great Depression. She was ALL over me. It's the first time I ever told a stripper to get off me. -
"Alriiiight. Yeah, *thank you* very much, miss. Thank youuuu! That'll be all....That's enough, thanks! Hey! HEEEEY, GET OFF OF ME!...Whatever happened to *lipstick* on the COLLAR, lady?!...I have a SHIT streak on the MIDDLE of my SHIRT!"
- How the *fuck* am I going to explain this when I get home? -
"Huh? Oh, no, baby, me and Bob were playing basketball and Bob dunked on me. He was hanging on the rim, and his pants fell down? I was checking up close, I think he was swinging and his butt cheeks might've... his butt cheeks, I think, caught my shirt....I don't know *why* I was playing ball in my dress shirt? I don't know. It was midnight. I don't know... what the *fuck*?!...Just let me think."