"Speaking Out" lyrics - DAVE CHAPPELLE

I almost protested the war in the beginning. Almost. 'Till I saw what happened to them Dixie Chicks. I said, "Fuuuuck THAT!" If they'll do that to three *white* women, they will *tear* my black ass TO PIECES. I don't want to hear that shit. Yeah, man, they would. But I'm, like, for real, why? Why do you care so much what the Dixie Chicks are saying? It's not like they're political scientists. They just bitches that can sing good. You know what I mean? Stop worshipping celebrities so much. Just don't listen, don't pay attention.
I remember right around September 11, JA R.U.L.E. was on MTV. That's what they said. "We got JA R.U.L.E on the phone. Let's see what JA's thoughts are on this tragedy." Who gives a fuck what JA R.U.L.E thinks at a time like this? This is ridiculous. I don't want to dance, I'm scared to DEATH! I want some answers that JA R.U.L.E *might not* have right now. You think when bad shit happens to me, I'll be in the crib like -
"Oh! My God, this is terrible! Could somebody please... Find JA R.U.L.E, get hold of this motherfucker, so I can make SENSE of all this? WHERE is JAAA? Help me, Ja Rule..."
- I don't even know why people listen to ME. I'll say anything, nigga. I've done commercials for Coke AND Pepsi; I don't give a fuck WHAT comes out of my mouth. I can say what it takes, whatever it takes, that's what I'm sayin'.
If you want to know the truth, can't even taste the difference. SURPRISE!
All I know is, Pepsi paid me most recently, so... it *tastes* better.
That's pretty much how the game goes. I'm just being real, man. There's too much goo-gaa over celebrities. People don't know what's fake and what's real anymore. That's why Bill Cosby got in trouble.
Look what happened to Bill Cosby.
Bill Cosby said some real shit, and the whole world freaked out on him. For what? For having an opinion? Just because he was selling pudding pops for the last 40 years; people forget that he's a nigga from Philly - and the projects - and he might say some real shit from time to time. It's not that big of a deal.
I spoke at my old high school and I told them kids' straight up -
"If you guys are serious about making it out of this ghetto, you've got to focus, you've got to stop blaming white people for your problems, and you gotta learn... how to RAP or play BASKETBALL or SOMETHING, nigga! You're trapped! YOU. ARE. TRAPPED. Either do THAT or SELL CRACK. That's your only options. That's the only way I've ever seen it work.
You got to entertain these white people, nigga. GET to DANCIN'!! Go on out there, and BE somebody."
- I just hope they listened.
This shit is ridiculous. People worship television. They worship this shit. You know, like, if you watch a movie, right, say you're watching a movie and one character says to another character, let's say -
"Hey, what's your number, man?"
- What does the other character always say? -
"555-5555."
- You know why they got to do that? Because stupid-ass people go to the movies and then go home and try to call the characters that they just saw. -
"Hello, is Indiana Jones there?"
- NO, motherfucker, he's FAKE. It's NOT his NUMBER.